Fishbeancurd's

2010-01-06T02:20:00.001+08:00

sigh im sad.

its the start of something new.

2010-01-03T22:31:00.001+08:00

alright guys, school is starting.
good and bad.
good that im finally going to start my brain working for after so long
bad that im having lesser and lesser time for the things i want to do.
sigh.
im actually feeling really desperate now.
im just here to air my thoughts and hopefully make myself more at ease.

if you are reading this, let me know kay.
read blog and contact me.

Happy NEW year 2010!

2010-01-01T20:59:00.005+08:00

happy new year to everyone.

as much as i trust that this is going to be an exciting year,
i cant help but to break down to say.
im left alone to walk this race, God.
though you are going to be there, but its still alone with you.

didnt had a good feeling during prayer and praise last night.
didnt know everything befolds so soon before my eyes.
im all alone.

love(d)

2009-12-27T19:00:00.001+08:00

sigh. i did something really dumb today.
hope i didnt get you into more trouble.
i really dun like what is happening all ard now.
D:

2009-12-18T23:37:00.002+08:00

time to blog before i sleep tonight.
sigh, guess time really flies and its gonna be 19th tmr.
hope that camp wldnt be too bad, and hopefully its good.
hope you will stay happy yea! cheer up!
like you said, what doesnt kill you, only makes you stronger!
im sure u are a strong girl and will be able to endure thru it even when i cant be with you.
do what you promise me!:)

i pray that you will be filled with joy throughout the next 2 weeks! try your best to enjoy yourself to the fullest the next few days with everyone around you! seeyou soooooooooooon. hopefully.

taken for granted;

2009-12-08T18:50:00.002+08:00

sorry that i have taken things for granted;
when you tried so hard to stay cheerful and happy on the phone,
and i did not cause i feel upset. sorry abt it.

but just to let you know,
im even more upset for you hanging up the call without calling back.

MYOB!

2009-11-29T21:26:00.000+08:00

i totally dun understand, why must all of you be involved in our lives.
its us who shld be bothered by it, not all of you.
mind your own business, kids.

angered

2009-11-29T21:18:00.002+08:00

i totally cant stand it when you start spouting nonsense to everyone.
totally disgusted by you. bet you are just jealous of us or you are filled with hatred or smth.
which i think is totally unnecessary. so shut your mouth up, and stop spreading rumours and bullshit. and by the way, you have no rights to do that, and i can sue you in court for that.

cheerrrr up!

2009-11-24T22:52:00.004+08:00

hope it reminds you of me!hahaha

2009-11-22T23:10:00.002+08:00

im beginning to hate you more and more each day.
and im serious about it. get out of my sight, get out of my life!
get out of the life of the ppl ard me! cuz u totally disgust me.

Tonight
I remember the times we spent together
All those drives, we had a million questions
All about our lives
And when we got to New York everything felt right
I wish you were here with me,
Tonight

I remember the days we spent together,
were not enough, it used to feel like dreaming
Except we always woke up,
Never thought not having you here now
Would hurt so much

Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
And know the stars are
Holding you, holding you, holding you
Tonight

I remember the time you told me
About when you were eight
And all those things you said that night
That just couldn't wait
I remember the car you were last seen in
And the games we would play
All the times we spilled our coffees
And stayed out way too late

I remember the time you sat and told me
About your Jesus, and how not to look back
Even if no one believes us
When it hurts so bad, sometimes
Not having you here

I sing
Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
And know the stars are
Holding you, holding you, holding you
Tonight

I sing
Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
And know the stars are
Holding you, holding you, holding you
Tonight

nobody understands you;

2009-11-21T12:02:00.003+08:00

siying request for me to blog cuz i haven blog for ages, and i already wanted to do so too so here goes.

so recently i went for this camp, and its probably one of the suckiest camp i ever been to. :S
why so? cuz i think the ppl in the camp made it so. /: opps, sorry to say this but i really think so. prob this post will really offend many but well, i am not really bothered abt it. just dun read it cuz i nver ever intended for you to read it.
oh well, im really glad its over, at least i know and is glad that all these have come to an end temporaily. im glad you are out of this sucky environment for the time being.
-----------------------------------------------------

but there's smth that i must complain abt. HAHA but there's prob no one who wants to listen to it nor believes): nvm, just for me to vent my anger(:
i am seriously so pissed and upset with you. if you think that its her fault, its her forcing them to do all the punishments, let me tell you, i totally do not think so. well, though i didnt have a chance to stand up for whatever that has happened, but if you ever read this, know this, in my opinion, she isnt wrong at all, but that its you in the wrong. i wonder who were the ones happily saying that the more the merrier, give them more punishments. how full of love and care to them were you in when you made that statement and comment. even someone as heartless as me did not have that thought crossing my mind. and i really wonder who are the truly heartless and selfish ones who only wants to inflict the hurt and pain unto them and trying to run away and escape from all the sufferings and punishments by pushing all the blame unto her. even they think and know that they ought to be punished for their mistakes, and are willing to accept the punishments, what makes you think that their fault and mistakes made was not in anyway due to your incapability to lead them well. and you only know how to hide all your unwillingness to do the punishments with them by blaming her, scolding her, insulting her. i think that she was totally reasonable and just to ask you to endure thru the punishment session with them. she just wants to be fair to them, she rebutted and said that its not too much, and you can do it too just to encourage you to press on and endure. but YOU do not even understand her at all. and all that YOU did was to hurt her by saying that she is heartless. you made yourself sound so loving that she is forcing them and inflicting all the pain unto them by making them do so much punishment in 1 round. but in my opinion, you are either worrying too much cuz they can handle way much more than that and are even willing to complete all the punishments or that you are just unwilling and selfishly trying to slack so that you dun have to do so much punishments urself.

let me share smth, someone who scolds the unit like crazy in the past told me that she doesnt scold any of them anymore bcuz she feels that she dun have any sense of belonging to the unit like how she does anymore,and not cuz she feels that the person shld not be scolded. and you, all you wanted to do is to be the angel infront of everyone, all you wanted to do is to gain popularity, all you know what to do is to ask her to do all the scolding, ask her to pump the cadets,so that she will be the devil infront of everyone, causing everyone to hate her. in my opinion, i think that you are totally selfish, cuz you nver thought for them, but only for yourself. i totally despise you.
---------------------------------------------------------

cheer up girl!(: even if the entire world choose not to understand of believe you, i know what you did was right, and i know all that you have done was not because you were heartless, because if you were, you wld not have cried after punishing someone cuz you feel bad and sad for them. some ppl are just not worth your tears, dun worry you will always have your family, classmates, myself here for you! (: and mostly importantly, He understands that you did it all with good intentions. nver heartless!(:
anw, really sorry to get you into any trouble):

Updated.

2009-11-12T23:02:00.001+08:00

Happy Birthday Siying!(:
hope you like your birthday present and enjoyed your birthday!
Love you! <3

and i miss you so;

2009-11-02T21:03:00.001+08:00

sigh.

you said.

2009-10-31T23:02:00.001+08:00

i am lame.

thanks.

2009-10-25T22:55:00.002+08:00

today's mummy birthday(:
thanks kahu for helping me so much..
thinking of where to go, what to buy, how to design birthday card etc
thanks so much, great to have you ard always. (:
cheer up alrights! dun be upset le!
smileeee!

hope mummy enjoyed her birthday!

my tank is empty;

2009-10-22T22:49:00.002+08:00

sigh, i made everyone upset again.
sorry its really not that i dun care or dunwan to care.
its just that sighh, i have my ku zhong.
im running dry too, i am really very tired today.
i really dunwan to go for the meeting de.
but i dun have much choice since it was already arrangedD:
its not that i dun care when i saw your msg, but i just cant walk out and call you
what wld everyone think ):
sigh.

your empathy;

2009-10-04T21:27:00.002+08:00

God, where are you.
I have no one else but you.

why must it happen again?
does it mean that promises meant nth to you?
or are you just taking it so lightly bcuz eventually you will be forgiven anyways?
still remember when my sis said to me that you were the one who cant stop msg him.
i was really angry for you, so much of that "righteous anger" that i tot i had.

no matter how much tears has fallen;
all i received was your empathy

if only i can understand you abit more;

2009-09-28T14:07:00.001+08:00

change my heart oh God,
make it ever true
change my heart oh God,
may i be like you.

desperate

2009-09-23T22:43:00.003+08:00

Im Afraid. I am.

God where are you when Im trapped in the midst of these giants?
I'm losing sight of you. Are you hearing us from heaven?
God, would you speak to us? reveal your plans to us.
We need to hear from you badly. We need you to lead us on in this dark and narrow road ahead.

fear

2009-09-12T12:13:00.000+08:00

and you came ytd, straight into my thoughts in my head.
when i stood at the same position as i did almost 3 weeks ago.
and then i know, that im avoiding it.

God, im sorry for my disbelief and disobedience each day.
please shower double portion of blessing on mummy.

praise you in this storm

2009-09-05T00:32:00.002+08:00

I was sure by now,God that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

Chorus:
And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

to everyone who is concerned:
guess i haven been blogging for really long, and its time to update.
guess im coping well with everything on the surface right now, with the help of many around me.
anw heard from many that i wanted to be discreet abt this, but well not really true. im pretty alright should you want to know abt it. so you can always talk to me online, give me a call, sms me etc abt it.yeap, thanks to the many who came or showed concern to my family and self. we really appreciate all the prayers,comfort,encouragement and help provided through this period of grief.

on a side note,
this was the song that stayed through my head over that 3 nights,
when the rain poured so heavily, and when it was so cold that chills down your spine. haha
decided to post it here.

hope you are doing well daddy, i miss you.
you will always be in my heart. <3

Worth?

2009-08-23T23:14:00.003+08:00

i know whats' worthy to me;
because you are worth it.

time to blog!

2009-08-17T22:33:00.000+08:00

okay! (:
lets see, what should i blog abt? haha
guess im really weird, either do nth at all, or work till i feel like dying. lol
so im working only 3 days a week, but i feel so tired all the time ):
cant wait to get enough cash and quit! HAHA happiest day of my life :D hee

so i had my 2 driving lessons sooo far. my instructor always cancel my lessons!! arghh
waste my time ): my driving test is on 13 NOV! haha 1 day after another impt day.. all running in a rowww.. so scared, hope i pass once! :P heehee. i love lorries!<3 HAHAHAHA randomm

i like these few days alot! haha, and i am not working for 1 entire week! whooo'
time to enjoy! hahaha. hope more are coming my way :P
okay im quite happy now.. not sure what to blog le.
so thats all for now, till i remember more things hee.

2009-08-08T23:05:00.000+08:00

thanks for all the lies
thanks for all the broken promises
thanks for all the heartaches
thanks for tearing it apart
thanks for the stabs that causes it to bleed profusely
thanks so much. so much.

2009-08-01T23:22:00.000+08:00

Paul said in Philippians 4:8;

whatever is true,
whatever is noble,
whatever is right,
whatever is pure,
whatever is lovely,
whatever is admirable
if anything is excellent or praiseworthy
think about such things.

2009-07-24T22:47:00.002+08:00

Im feeling so useless and helpless. it hurts me so much, and yet feels totally useless in helping you. God, would you please hear my cry and prayer, reveal yourself in the midst of us. would you please draw near to us when we are weak and weary. only you Lord can filled your presence here, only you Lord can we encounter. God, annoint us with your Holy Spirit. Holy Spirit come, come and live with us. and would you Lord, please keep your child close to you. We need your presence, have mercy on us. May your love, joy, hope, peace and grace prevails.

Amen.

2009-07-24T22:44:00.000+08:00

I cant see what im typing!! ): my blogger isnt working properly ):
help me find new blogskinnnnnnn.

Updates of my life

2009-07-17T23:01:00.002+08:00

so much has changed just over the past few weeks.
many decisions made.
1. starting part-time work at MM
2. applying for SIM
3. stepping up in the youth comm
4. starting driving lessons

lets hope everything will be good, and leads to a more fruitful lifestyle.

Random

2009-07-09T13:38:00.000+08:00

All the best and good luck to myself for 430pm later! :S
Hope i pass!!!!!! (: lol

rainy day

2009-07-07T15:58:00.002+08:00

nobody will truly understands.
the condition of this heart.

anw, just cant figure out how to make the tabs work. so shall reply the tags here as well, before i get them fixed.
xiner; thanks for updating me(: im glad to know u are feeling better now. sorry didnt managed to follow up with you on ur fever and all. sorry im quite a failure. haha

lorry; yup updated. though there is nth to read here actually.

till this heart is right again;

feels like giving up;

2009-07-07T14:07:00.003+08:00

seems like only you ppl keeps the blog going cuz i really dun have the urge to blog.

life been screwed.
so much stuck in the head, yet nth gets transmitted out into words/actions.
The thought of going for job interview till now isnt done.
The thought of choosing the uni degree isnt done yet.
what more the application, asking for money for the course etc.
The thought of youth sun is coming and means much more to do, but im not even preparing myself for it.
Driving test in 2 days time and im not even studying.

shit, im such a procrastinator.
im living such a meaningless life right now.
freak.

what the hell is wrong with me.
come on man, get a life!

sorry, cant help it to make the blog anyway more interesting.
cuz im naturally boring.

H1N1!

2009-07-02T01:17:00.005+08:00

anw shall blog and do a recount.
today is 1st! and i went out for breakfast with ruiting, yejing and ee suan.
we had prata for breakfast! (: but actually i wanted more food but i alrdy ate the most!
wahaha, its okay save money. lol.
take care yea xiner! hope you will get well soon.
i will pray for youu, but do visit the doctor alrights!

everything is freaking me out!
only after today that i found out that rt had H1N1!
i was totally shocked when i heard it, though it wasnt written on my face. hahahaha
its like so many thoughts going thru my mind at that spilt sec. woahhhh.
and i have the weirdest sunburn ever!
cuz they itch like crazy! :(
like millions of ants crawling on you, yet u cannot do anything abt it.
and now seems like its growing bumps D:
im freaking outttttttt. ):
i suspected that i actually had a sunburn blister on my body! :S
shit, everything is freaking me out. sigh

Guard my confused heart;

2009-06-26T01:06:00.003+08:00

shall blog as requested;

recently i really feel the fluctuation in my mood.
mood swings HA. well, but things are really bringing me into the pits and yet sometimes, its just myself thinking way too much. i dont know.
i hate it, why am someone who thinks way too much? makes my life so much more difficult for myself. RAHH.
yet again, i cant even express my feelings. i find no words to express it, and even if i do, there isnt any safe grounds to express it. oh wells. im such an insecure person. so anw, i told myself that i will blog to answer your question, but on second thought, all the words just wun appear and i dun feel safe enough to do so.
this is killing me, sigh. anw so shall make it a quick and simple one, not going into any details.
time and time again, i feel upset/disappointed/hurt by things that i thought and believe it is, but eventually found out that im wrong? so thats really dumb and retarded but i cant help to feel that way. like guess im just making myself upset abt mos burger?! HA what a dumb reason to be upset with i guess. true enough, your msg makes sense but well, i still feel that my point is as valid as ever. you still fall in love with it; and it wasnt anytime when i ask you to try it. alrights its getting out of point.
so lets just move on; i guess im upset with anyone who isnt like me. haha, so its just my problem. not others. i need to stop imposing any expectations on anyone; expectations that i have of myself. i mean, im someone who somehow falls into this category whereby i do not have an incline towards being more people structured/unstructured nor task structured/unstructured. i duno how to explain this, but its thru a personality test i done, i fall right in the middle of all. so im a rather flexible person, based on my judgement? when i want to be focused on a task, i can go all out to complete it without distractions. and thats probably how i motivated myself in many circumstances to complete many tasks that seems impossible to many. and yet, when i want to be people oriented, i can forgo any or all structures. cuz i also believe very much on character and relationships. weird person i know. but cuz of this weird nature, i cant help but to be upset when i decide to be focus on certain things, while others are not as certain as i do. what do i mean? i tend to compare others with myself and get agitated, and questions like,"why can i do this for you yet you cant? why can i stay focus and away from distractions yet you arnt doing the same?" so im sorry that i "forced" it unto you, to make you promise to do it for me. cuz i hope i can create some motivation for yourself to push yourself fwd and away from the distractions.but i know i failed. so sorry, just ignore me when i do get upset or smth, cuz most of the time, its just myself being retarded. and thats also one reason why people do not understand why i can be so angry/upset for one moment, and the next i can convince myself 180 degrees differently. but im sorry, i guess thats just the weird me.

2009-06-25T23:53:00.000+08:00

alrights i know im going to be posting saddening things AGAIN, so to make my post slightly happier so here goes..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAZREEL! <3
i hope you enjoyed your 18th birthday (:

2009-06-14T01:13:00.003+08:00

shall blog smth to kill time..
xiner, i haven upload the thing that i want to show u yet ):
sorry! quite busy and have been using hse com these days..
wait till monday okay? :)

its been 2 days since ulp started! haha.
which means there is 2 more days left! (:
and i guess i will be going for campfire today!
smth to look forward to(: lol.
i wonder if yejing is going with me..

monday, shld i meet adeline? hmm.
what time shld i meet her if i do?
im quite lazy and wants to slp more.
so tired ): haven even do my file!! shucks.
sigh sigh sigh.

i haven draw the poster yet too!):
die le lah, hope edwin wun kill me or smth.
ideas ideas, comeee to meee. help!!
inspiration pleaseeeee.

i wonder hows the arrangement btw hazel and tiff.
haha hope tiff makes a great tuition tcher! :D hee.
thanks tiff for agreeing to help me out!<3
love you loads! haha.
jiayou hazel! study hard alrights!<3

i want to run into your arms once again;

2009-06-13T00:19:00.002+08:00

a sudden urge that i have;
i want to run back to my first love.
running back into Your arms once again Daddy.

All i can do;

2009-06-06T22:20:00.002+08:00

lets' commit everything to the Lord.

God is good
God is good all the time
He put a song of praise
In this heart of mine
God is good all the time
Through the darkest night
His light will shine
God is good
God is good all the time

If you're walking through the valley
There are shadows all around
Do no fear He will guide you
He will keep you safe and sound
He has promised to never leave you
Nor forsake you
And His Word is true

Though I may not understand
All the plans You have for me
My life is in Your hands
And through the eyes of faith
I can clearly see

i'll blog cuz i promised you

2009-06-05T19:34:00.003+08:00

You are an Awesome God.

You are a dependable God.

You are a God who hears our cries.

You are a God who comforts.

You are a God who loves deeply.

You are a God who give peace to the anxious.

You are a God who give strength to the weary.

You are the same, ytd, today and forever.

You are my God, our God.

I praise you, thanks for answering prayers.

Thanks for never forsaking us,

Thanks for always being so reachable.

I love you, God.

ytd, today and always.

time to blog!

2009-06-01T19:47:00.006+08:00

im a little worried for you.
somehow i feel that i got you into trouble/shit.
hahahaha. /: howw?
hope that you will read this and remember what i said to you,
connected but not emotionally attached alrights?
i think its too big and sticky situation for you to handle it D:
i cant even managed it):

hmm alrights! probably another picture for what im feeling now (:

You have been so good to me.
You have been so good to me
I came here broken, you made me whole
You have been so good
You have been so good
You have been so good to me

How can I thank you
There is just no way
How can I thank you
No way how could I repay
For your kindness
For your tenderness
For your custom presence here with me

just for you.

2009-05-31T17:17:00.009+08:00

smile dear, let the pictures cheer u up! :D

it hurts; a stab in my heart

2009-05-31T02:08:00.014+08:00

alrights, shall blog before heading to bed.
guess i have been a guai kia these days, i reckon. since i have been trying to do what was ask to do every day.

well, i think im believing more and more into the phrase of a picture speaking a 1000 words. so, this is my feeling right now:

it really hurt me so much.

well today had youthphoria. joel, elizabeth and cassandra came to share their personal testimony or what you call that. after hearing cass, i guess i can totally relate to it man. mayb God is trying to speak to me during this really uncertain season of my life. its really comforting to know that i wasnt alone in this kind of situation, WAITING upon the Lord. guess i had nver been faithfully waiting from the start, thats why there is today. sigh, lets hope i will wake up real soon and get into reality and start doing smth abt it. please help me daddy to feel your presence especially learning how to listen to you, waiting upon you and hearing nothing.

okay, lets get myself to think positively, i have to do this. cuz it is seriously horrible to be feeling what im feeling now. stop thinking of negative things, you!!!!! comeon, start thinking of the goodness and blessings given to me!

thanks for not giving up on me, for the quality effort and time spent on me, for the millions of chances you gave, for the love like the symbol of an wide stretch arms, for understanding my fears, never getting angry with my pathetic words/thoughts/deeds. everything done, worth not for me to be negative, but to look at the positive side, how blessed am i.

2009-05-29T23:07:00.002+08:00

sometimes i wish,that there wld be a wall between.

boundaries gives a sense of security.

2009-05-29T00:44:00.005+08:00

haven seriously blogged over the past month.
shall blog today, to update abt my life recently, also partially for/because of you
and lastly, my concerns.

probably shall start with my life bah, though there is nothing exciting actually.
my beloved handphone was spoilt 2 weeks ago i think. was pretty upset abt it cuz somehow, guess i falls into the category whereby i over highly regard my phone due to the different ppl and memories left in it. went to the service centre and i read the clause on the info within the phone wld not be guaranteed that it will still be intact after repair. it really got me quite worried then, cuz i am not ready to lose the things within that i hold dearly to. today, my phone is finally repaired and i collected it. happy thing is it can work again, but sadness comes the moment i opened my inbox and my contact list. a huge part of me had disappeared with it, and many things that i hold dearly to, can never be retrieved ever again. but i guess i must still praise God for taking things away in my life, teaching me great and hurtful lessons in life in the most lovely methods ever, teaching me to treasure everything i have.

you give and take away,
you give and take away,
but my heart will still choose to say,
blessed be your name.

my greatest fear and concern that is so real in my life right now:
things are getting really uncomfortable right now. things are not within my control i guess, thats human's nature to want to know and be in control. guess God is telling me that i am disobeying Him in my life right now. im so afraid that something will happen, when i really hold very dearly to it. im so afraid that history always repeats itself like a curse. though each and every time it was a different situation and reason, but i just cant seem to prevent it from happening. nobody truely understand my fears and insecurities, but you know the phrase of once bitten, twice shy? i have tasted failure 4 times in my life, i really dun wish for it to happen again in my life. i cant help but to think that im a failure always. i really cant afford to lose it ever again, i probably wun be able to stand up the 5th time. i feel so insecure, does anyone ever feel my insecurities? does anyone knows that im living with a phobia everyday and never gotten out of it? its not that i want to be so negative and emotional abt it, but im really so worried and scared. i dun feel enough assurance and affirmation, i dun need promises that has forever and ever lasting effect, i just need simple promises that are easily kept and fulfilled.i just need honesty and trust. i just need transparency. i just need a little more care and love. i just need to spend quality time with you, even if it means that i wun get to see you, i really dun wish for the you-are-annoying-i-cant-wait-to-end-the-call-now phonecalls. at least thats how i feel and it hurts. i just wished to be given the attention when i feel insecure and not being brushed aside. i really dun have any confidence in myself anymore, cuz the feeling of failure is so real. i really cannot lose you,you know?

2009-05-27T22:02:00.000+08:00

2009-05-27T20:34:00.001+08:00

okay, cuz u ask me to blog, so i shall blog.
hmm, i love you dear! (:

AWESOME

2009-05-12T17:35:00.005+08:00

this piece is AWESOME.

i just saw this verse, and i want to dedicate it to my sis. haha (:

A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:” (Proverbs 31:10, 27-28)

YOU ARE THE BEST ALWAYS!

thank you very much

2009-05-04T23:54:00.002+08:00

at 11:52pm, you made my day.(:

2009-04-27T23:44:00.003+08:00

In Psalms 37, it says,

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him
Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him
Wait for the LORD and keep his way. He will exalt you to inherit the land;

Teach me O God, to trust in You.
Be silent and still, as I wait for You.
Commit and surrender all to Your way.
Do not fret or worry, its all in Your hands.

230409 :S

2009-04-24T12:38:00.003+08:00

ytd was such a scary day. lol
firstly, i tot i need to attend the conference only!!
but, my friend called to say that i need to present at 11am when the actual thing is at 2pm?!?!?!
abit 太看得起我 or 要我死得很难看
so scary please. like wun the pro-s out there know i wasnt prepared?! tsk
then after tt first attack, comes the next one.
PRESS INTERVIEW with st and zb.
woah, they seriously are out to dig info man.
i receive millions of calls after the interview okay!
scary man.
lastly, this incident shall not be blogged. haha cuz its the most disgusting and weirdest. :S
and i told those esplanade max brenner outing peeps i wun blog abt it.
yucks, just beware of weird ppl.

i received a sms from evm today! she said she saw me on newspaper. hahaha
okay shall go buy the newspapers and see what those reporters wrote hee.

Get out of my life!

2009-04-19T22:31:00.003+08:00

Haven blogged since a long time.
duno what am i really busy with actually,
totally lost in nothing. hah.
i missed out my birthday, missed out quek's birthday,
missed outing with frellies, missed outing with maddy's batch,
missed outing with quek and filza, missed the happy days.

and now im back to complain abt smth that i really am fustrated and detest of.
poor blog, seems like nth good actually comes from me when i visit u.

seriously, im so pissed and better not let me know who is the - who actually spread rubbish abt me!! irritating. :@ :@ :@
sorry readers, you got to suffer to read my rants now.
JUST YESTERDAY, hb smsed me.
(sorry to disclosed the content of the sms here)
HB: Ma'am! Why you want to know the information?
ME: huh? what information?
HB: About the sec 2s?
ME: huh? im lost. what sec 2 info? who say i want to know?
-NO REPLY till 30 mins later-
HB: Sorry. I think i made a mistake
ME: Okay.

Im so pissed bcuz I duno which - is spreading bullshit about me when HELLO?! i am totally so not related in this entire picture?!?! I totally dun understand why must EVERYONE drag me into STUPID and IRRITATING things that I seriously am NOT interested in. Whoever you are, spreading rubbish abt me to hb, you shld STOP doing it. and guess whats the dumbest thing, i totally have NO IDEA what the - is going on?!?!?! and NOBODY ever bothers to answer my doubts. come on, get a life! IF you ppl always want to get me involved, at least let me know what the - is going on, so i can still make a choice to PLAY ON WITH YOU PPL OR SMTH, CUZ THAT SEEMS LIKE WHAT YOU PPL WISH FOR! I think i totally have the rights to know what is going on that is ABOUT ME.

let me make myself clear, I AM SO NOT INTERESTED IN ANYTHING THAT HAS TO DO WITH RC ANYMORE BECAUSE OF YOU PPL, YES YOU. IM SO SICK AND TIRED OF EVERYTHING, ITS YOU PPL WHO MADE ME HATE EVERYTHING SO MUCH. PLEASE LET ME LEAVE WITH GOOD MEMORIES AND DO NOT GET ME ON MY NERVES AGAIN ABT RETARDED THINGS!

lastly, let me make myself clear again. I HATE/DISLIKE IT WHEN U ASK ME QNS OR ANY INFO ABT ME AND WHEN I WANT TO CLARIFY WHATS THE NEED FOR YOU PPL TO KNOW, I GET NO REPLY AND TOTALLY BEING IGNORED. PLEASE FOR THE FACT THAT I REPLY ANYTHING YOU PPL ASKED ME, I DUN HOLD BACK ON TELLING YOU ANYTHING THAT I KNOW, IT MEANS I RESPECT THE FRIENDSHIP THAT WE ALL SHARED. PLEASE STOP ABUSING IT, I HAVE THE RIGHTS TO KNOW WHY DO YOU PPL NEED THE INFO ABT ME WHEN IM DO NOT HAVE ANY RELATIONS WITH YOU PPL ANYMORE. I HOPE IM MAKING MYSELF VERY CLEAR RIGHT NOW.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

a broken promise;a lifetime glory

2009-04-03T02:42:00.001+08:00

its 3rd april now.
time really flies.
im so contridicting.
i kinda do not wish for sat to come.
yet i want it to come too.
sigh im weird.

will my wish come true?

2009-03-31T18:21:00.002+08:00

haha its 6:21pm now in Spore,
9:21pm now in Sydney!
haha and im talking to Ruiting now!
haven done that in ages
was just talking abt church and all..
and now i have a new wish! lol
ruiting's looking for a church in Spore that she can attend on days she is back.
yjing once told me that she is thinking of changing church cuz hers is way too far.
and since like duno when i always hope for someone to come back,
hahahahaha.

won't it be great/cool if they can all come tgt? hahahahaha.
okay im being really random now, but haha.
new wish for my bday then. lol.

interesting discovery. hahaha

2009-03-21T02:07:00.003+08:00

was kinda bored and wanted to know more about myself so went to look for things to quiz myself hahahaha.

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
i think i really thinks this way.interesting how they actually finds out this. haha

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.
well, haven gotten into a relationship before, so not too sure of its accuracy, but i guess i really do anything and everything.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
isit? haha then why i haven gotten into one? hmmmmm... maybe i haven met one that i think is right bah.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.
hahaha this i cant testify for it too. heh we will see again ;D

Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
YES! probably its due to my upbringing bah. but i cant get in, how to study hard D:

The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.
maybe bah, cuz im quite confused abt what i really want to do in the future.

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.
actually i dun think career is success, but hmm, we will see how this works out too.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.
yea this is again quite true i guess.

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.
HAHA so i DO have mood swings! quite true actually tt my mood change very quickly, but i cant be still and calm for long, this is not very very accurate.but sure, im very unpredictable really. beware of me!hahaha

RANDOM: im so hungry nowwwww D: -growls-

i missyouall.

2009-03-20T14:42:00.008+08:00

had dinner with yjing ytd,

glad tt i managed to catch up with her(:

anw, after ytd i must say.

i miss all of you much.

silica,jing,linda,zel,xiner,pek,shah,bern,dg,subha,sankari and nan

let the picture that speaks a thousand words, do the talking.

and thanks pling for what you said to me today.
it really warms my heart(:

afterall,i feel that i have been so blessed.

cuz you all loved me way much more than i can ever comprehend.

and not forgetting,plus you! haha no pics to post but yup, yes you(:

happy surprises!

2009-03-15T19:45:00.003+08:00

i like surprises, cuz they makes me happy! hahahha

you know something, joanne?
haha. i think i thinkkk...
that someone actually visits my blog quite frequently(:
hmmm, hahah. its just a guess but..
im happy to know that you do read my blog!
lol, cuz it means that im still remembered!;D

hahahaha alrights, since so..
i shall make my birthday wishlist early ;P
1. I hope that YOU-s will come for my baptism on 4th April(:
(hahaha, i haven send out my invitations yet only verbally to some so be patient peeps)
thats probably my only pre-birthday wish left.
yupp! take care all readers of this blog (:
if you are sick like me, get well soon alrights!

i hate you, life

2009-03-09T23:05:00.002+08:00

i hate my life.
i hate it.
why must i be compared?
why must you people place expectations on me?
why cant i have some freedom?
i hate it.

i cant choose to be happy.
i cant choose to be sad.
i cant choose the things i want to do.
i cant choose how i feel?!?!
i cant choose how i treat others without being compared.
i cant choose anything in my life.

I HATE LIFE.

2009-03-09T17:25:00.003+08:00

when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through

you really dun have any confidence of your future.
you know the only chance of getting in is God's grace.
yet you told everyone that the only way is to trust in Him and pray hard.
yet you done nothing. whats with you.
you know you really duno what to do.
you feel like the whole world is staring at you.
you feel that your parents have to suffer cause of you.
you feel that you dun have a choice.
you feel that you are forced to do things that you have dun like or dun want to do.
you know that Satan is at work.
you said that everyone is inward and not outward looking.
so whats the diff btw you and others now?
no diff.
you know that you must snap out of it since its all just a trap.
come on.

right back what is wrong
we move along

2009-03-05T23:48:00.002+08:00

pardon me for my lagness.
internet was down thanks to a thunderstorm that night. haha
but now its back! :D

wanted to blog the other day,
and apparently everything that i typed is saved in the laptop.
so i shall do a quick summary:
-i have finally graduated! :D
-i am attending baptism class, and the coolest thing is... Baptism is onnnn 4thApr! heehee
-i seriously need to slack while i can before going to help my parents and find a part time job
-my dad is going to get a car soon i hope! hahahaha.
-im going to learn how to driveeeee! vrrroooommm. hahaha
-im so cashless ):
-i need to pray really hard for my future, and trust God cuz He knows whats best for me
-i watched marley and me today.haha, probably other than marley, i didnt really felt that it was a very great show opps :X hahaha
-i want to watch role model and watch man.
-im going to fetch my bro at pasir ris tmr!
-brother's pop is coming!
-i miss you and you esp today

lastly, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
hope you had a great day! ;D

check it out! :D

2009-02-26T20:41:00.000+08:00

hear my heart

2009-02-26T15:17:00.006+08:00

Oh Lord You've searched me
You know my way
Even when I fail You
I know You love me

Your holy presence
Surrounding me
In every season
I know You love me
I know You love me

You go before me
You shield my way
Your hand upholds me
I know You love me

And when the earth fades
Falls from my eyes
And You stand before me
I know You love me
Oh.. I know You love me

At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me
There's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now

You tore the veil
You made a way
When You said that it is done

i love You Daddy,
more than any other.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

it is well, it is well, with my soul.

I'll walk with you wherever you go

through tears and joy

I'll trust in you

and I will live in all of your ways and your promises forever

Jesus I believe in you
Jesus I belong to you
you're the reason that I live the reason that I sing with all I am

2009-02-26T02:47:00.002+08:00

i think im really dumb and stupid. haha
mayb everyone think so too?
(:

am i holding on to a hope for miracle that wun occur?

Daddy, i choose to be a fool.

fool or foolish?

2009-02-25T03:50:00.002+08:00

its 3:51am, and i have not completed studying ):
so well done.
my 'tap' just cant stop running D:
and i feel like puking again.
i seriously think that I cant make it through for these few papers
im afraid i will just puke on my papers and destroy them during the exams.
headache, drowsy,block nose, running tap, coughs.
argh, its causing me so much difficulty to stay focus. ):

what more when i start to imagine things.
what more when i start to think about things that cant be solved.
i know im wasting my time and energy.
i know im not prioritising my time well now.

despite how much - wants to draw ties with me,
im still stupidly hoping that - will pay some attention to what i want to say.
i start to feel like a fool when i know I dun really matter at all.

Daddy, help me through my papers.
Be my strength and my portion.
Grant me wisdom as I sit for my papers,
grant me courage to face the reality.

I pray that it is well, with her soul.
that is all that i ask for.

blows after blows

2009-02-24T00:07:00.003+08:00

you shattered my heart into pieces once again.
it really hurts.

Raining day.

2009-02-23T13:37:00.005+08:00

BROKEN PROMISES
its been 10 days? haha.
since you last talked to me, and probably thats the last day in my life too?
as i was walking along the train stations ytd,
and see those notices of missing people in our midst.
i start thinking that their family members, friends and loved ones will be so upset.
i start to think and wonder,
i rather choose to think or believe,
that you are lost forever,
at least i can still miss you or smth, which i cant now.
self deluding that prob you will think of me? hah quite dumb.

but often i think that,
its better that im lost forever,
so that at least you wld think of me at times! haha
or mayb if im dead,
at least i will cross your mind once a year? on my death anniversary or smth. hahaha :x
or mayb if i met with some accident,
probably you wld visit me? (which honestly, i doubt you wld anymore)
dun worry peeps, just some thoughts thats all.

red cliff.fullerton.underwater world.hort park.cable car.camden park.cold rock.southern ridges of Singapore.australia.great barrier reef.bolt.
HERE I COME not
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
YOU KNOW ME INSIDE OUT
sorry to make you feel like a replacement.
thanks for your honesty.
to you, its standing in for others till i feel better
but to me, its only when someone is willing to sacrifice and spend time with you through the down times, then this friend is really someone thats a bonus from God.
and each time when i ask where are you now,
its cuz i know that only you care, and if only you were here right now.
that during my down times, my first thought is always you.
which means alot to me.
sorry that im quite useless, that when u are upset,
i wasnt even there. i didnt treat you as shit or anything.
i didnt think that your presence is not impt.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Daddy, i need to hear you desperately.
open my ears and heart to hear you.
Increase my trust and faith in you,
cause I think im losing them soon
cause I dont seem to hear anything from you.

There can be miracles, when you believe
Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles you can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will
You will when you believe

Safest Trust, Naked Faith

2009-02-20T03:37:00.003+08:00

Psalm 40:1-5
¹ I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.

² He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.

³ He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.

⁴ Blessed is the man
who makes the LORD his trust,
who does not look to the proud,
to those who turn aside to false gods.

⁵ Many, O LORD my God,
are the wonders you have done.
The things you planned for us
no one can recount to you;
were I to speak and tell of them,
they would be too many to declare.

Indeed, Blessed is the man whom make the Lord his trust.
Despite the situations, I must trust in the Lord ALONE. no one else but Him.
Its the issue of heart attitude of trust. If we truly believe our help really comes from God ALONE.

My prayer today is that without reservations, I will cast myself and everything to God.
Nothing to fall back on, placing all my eggs into God's basket alone.
It means that im not going to use God to fill in the gaps,
Im not going to have a plan B if God doesnt intervene the way I want Him to,
It means no backup plans, no pride, no confidence in anything else but exclusively to Him.
I dont know where to get this amount of courage from, but I believe He will reveal His word.
The most dangerous place is the safest, when you have nothing else to hold on to but only God, its the safest trust.
Cause I know, God never fails me.

Teach me oh Lord to place ALL my trust in You, Daddy.
Blessed is the man whom made the Lord his trust.
I know that You have the best plans installed for us.
I know Your peace and wellness is with Him who invest all hopes on You.
And You never fails anyone.
Thankyou Daddy.

on a different note:
HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY, YUMING!
i hope you will enjoy your birthday today! :D

randommm

2009-02-19T22:59:00.004+08:00

haha, GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE. MUAHAHAHA.

this is what studying made us. NICE.

sylvester_goh@hotmail.com says:
hey joanne
the truth will set you free says:
yes? :)
sylvester_goh@hotmail.com says:
hahaha np
sylvester_goh@hotmail.com says:
aye, sorry ah i went to kpo ur blog abit
the truth will set you free says:
hahaha
the truth will set you free says:
ya?
sylvester_goh@hotmail.com says:
you look at my blog www.slysworkinglife.blogspot.com
sylvester_goh@hotmail.com says:
lol i found the coincidence quite funny
sylvester_goh@hotmail.com says:
HAHA
the truth will set you free says:
HAHAHAHA
the truth will set you free says:
OH!!!
the truth will set you free says:
cool cool!
the truth will set you free says:
hahaha :D
sylvester_goh@hotmail.com says:
HAHAHA
sylvester_goh@hotmail.com says:
i thot eh, i type ur address why my blog come out
sylvester_goh@hotmail.com says:
hahaha okay damn random

Conclusion: Sly and I have GREAT MINDS.

alrights back to studying.

Take my life and let it be;

2009-02-19T16:42:00.005+08:00

Take my life and let it be consecrated Lord, to thee.
Take my moments and my days, let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands and let them move at the impulse of thy love.
Take my feet and let them be swift and beautiful for thee.

Take my voice and let me sing always, only for my king.
Take my lips and let them be filled with messages from thee.
Take my silver and my gold not a might would I withhold.
Take my intellect and use every power as you choose.

Here am I, all of me.
Take my life, it's all for thee.

Take my will and make it Thine it shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart it is thine own; it shall be thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord I pour at your feet its treasure store
Take myself and I will be ever, only all for thee,
Take myself and I will be ever, only all for thee.

Here am I, All of me.
Take my life, It's all for thee.
x3

(Take my life, Lord take my life. take all of me)

Here am I, All of me.
Take my life, It's all for thee.

Take my life. Take my will. Take my heart. Take my tears.
Consecrated Lord to Thee.

God has so many ways to use my tears for good.And I know He will. I know He will use my tears for good. For His glory. Maybe even the salvation of others. For the joy of others. Anything that's good; Lord please use mine for good. Just like how You used Rachel's tears.

Feel like going for a swim, I just want to soak there and cry out another pool of tears. Or feel like just going for a game, to just free myself from everything and sweat it all out till i cant move any longer. It's such a struggle everyday, so much things to comprehend, I don't even have time to sit down, talk it out and/or cry it out. I can't even do anything and still gotta put up a front or smile. It's in times of feeling totally overwhelmed, helpless and so desperate for God where i know He's there. It's when the slightest task becomes so difficult to even carry out, that we know everything we do is totally dependent on His strength.

Im so tired Daddy.

Exams

2009-02-18T00:15:00.003+08:00

1 RETAIL MGT TOURISM & RESORT
20 FEB 2009 FRIDAY
02:00 PM - 04:00 PM
Convention Centre Level 2
Seat No: 666 (the devil's number D: this is bad)

2 TOURISM & RESORT MARKETING
25 FEB 2009 WEDNESDAY
09:00 AM - 11:00 AM
Blk 56 04-01
Seat No:35

3 STRATEGIC TRAVEL MGT & OPERATION
27 FEB 2009 FRIDAY
02:00 PM - 04:00 PM
Blk 53 Level 8
Seat No: 266

3 tough papers to handle,
2 sides of tough situations in life,
1 useless me.

pray hard for me please.
i duno how to survive.

Yes? No? Wait.

2009-02-17T23:33:00.007+08:00

You said,
Ask and you will receive
Whatever you need
You said,
Pray and I'll hear from heaven
And I'll heal your land
You said
Your glory will fill the earth
Like water the sea
You said,
Lift up your eyes
The harvest is here,
the kingdom is near

You said,
Ask and I'll give the nations to you
O Lord, that's the cry of my heart
Distant shores and the islands will see
Your light,
as it rises on us

O Lord, I ask for the nations

1 month, Oh Lord, open ears and heart.
Your will, not mine be done.

UPSET?

2009-02-11T23:19:00.002+08:00

this year really started off so rush!
cant believe it that i haven even had time off for myself to enjoy with my beloved family and friends.

finally, projects, assignments, role plays, quizes and tests have finally come to an end.
final lap to go, 2 more weeks of mugging for exams and i'm officially out of NP.

seriously, im not prepared to graduate. but i am really glad that all the piles of mountaineouos work is coming to an end.
dun really know how im feeling, probably great sense of relief?
hah.

life hasnt been good i guess.
im not living the life that i want to.
im so low in everything that i do now.
really wonder, when am i going to wake up and change !!!
time to get up and run 180 degrees in the opposite direction, gongkia!
sigh.

anw today, im feeling unhappy about something that's in my mind now.
again its the you, you, and you method.
i really feel that i dun understand you. i dun understand why would you want to tell you about it. i mean i wun want to tell anyone about it unless you is someone that is really important to me. so im really confused by you now. are you putting up an act infront of me? or are you putting up a front infront of you and me? whats your ultimate motive? mayb not the word motive, but whats on your mind? i really dun get it at all. the more i know you, the more i feel that i dun understand you. its really tiring to be involved in a guessing game or smth. and i dun like it when you dun respect my privacy, by telling you what is going on. sometimes, i feel very exposed. sometimes, i feel very accused. sometimes, i duno how i really feel, its just a feeling that i detest.
and i cant share this with anyone of you out there, cuz you all know smth, i feel so restricted sharing things with you all. like i have to think abt how you will judge me, when sometimes, i just need a listening ear not advices, not judgements.oh well, guess only someone whom im not close to, you are the best listener so far i have met. but i cant always talk to you since we arnt close anyway. life's complicated. give us a break.

random - i miss

2009-01-29T13:53:00.004+08:00

BROTHER!

CAMEL!

2009-01-17T01:10:00.000+08:00

i miss you brother! ):

):

2009-01-14T00:53:00.004+08:00

everyone, please do not read this post
i just need some privacy, really appreciate it.
What did i do wrong again?
im so lost now.

2009-01-04T23:26:00.000+08:00

I'm starting school tml.
not really looking forward to it actually,
but i know there is always something new ahead that's installed for me! :)

holiday? what is that?

2008-12-28T01:06:00.002+08:00

Alrights, on the demand of ms -,
i shall blog smth. haha

ITS HOLIDAY?!?!?! /:
wow, so holidayy. hah
i must say its the worst mental torture hols ever?!
everything is soooo pack?
cant believe it that i need to go sch on 24th and 26th?
LIKE WOW! sooooo FUN/:

and these so called 3 weeks hols, FLEW SO FAST
and its soooo JAM PACKED, seriously,
i didnt even had time to enjoy myself at all.
dun even get to slp enoughhhh (which obviously totally ruin my hols cuz im such a pig)
going to school almost everyday?! (my most dislike place?)
and cant even enjoy youth camp in peace (stressful, so much things on my brain)
didnt even get to enjoy Christmas (dun even hav time to celebrate, didnt even get any Christmas gifts for anyone)
and this pathetic week,
everyday is PACKED, and my mind cant stop thinking (im so sadden)

sigh. cant wait for this retard sem to end.
cant wait for 31 dec to come.
cant wait for the new year to come.
cant wait for so many things.

i miss the good old days. and you

Its a happy day (:

2008-12-08T11:51:00.003+08:00

yet another stressful week has passed.
since the start of school, its been so packed that i doubt anyone of us had had the chance to take a break.
but guess God has been really faithful and loving!
despite going through the tough times in life, i glad He has placed lovely princes and princesses in my life to see me through, and bringing joy to my life. :)

though this week is common test week, im quite glad! :D
cuz i only have 1 paper, and its a break from all the tiring projs, assignments, tuts.
cant wait for the next outing to enjoy life :DD
really looking forward to it ;)
so to all other bookworms out there, press on!
we will see the rainbow soooooon :D haha
lets all work hard tgt!

Daddy, strengthen us as we wait upon You!
Help us to lean unto you for strength.
Love you always,

i love you daddy

2008-12-03T21:40:00.002+08:00

it dawn upon me once again..

you know?
life is unfair.
i really pity those care and encouragemet providers out there.
often when others is down and sad, these givers are always there.
despite the fact if they know or dun know what to say or do.
their presence really made the difference in others life.

but cuz of this, ppl take them all for granted.
others seldom spare a tot for them.
others always perceived them as happy-forever ppl.
but when they are down,
nobody take them seriously, as if they cant be sad.
when they need someone just to be by their side.
to do the same for them.
no one will be there.

Daddy, i pray that each time these ppl faces such situations again,
you will appear so close to them, that they will feel so comfortable by you just like me.

hungry

2008-11-30T01:46:00.008+08:00

Hungry I come to You
For I know You satisfy
I am empty but I know
Your love does not run dry

So I wait for You
So I wait for You
I'm falling on my knees
Offering all my needs
Jesus You're all
This heart is living for

Broken I run to You
For Your arms are open wide
I am weary but I know Your touch
Restores my life

我可以

2008-11-23T01:21:00.005+08:00

寄没有地址的信
这样的情绪有种距离
你放着谁的歌曲
是怎样的心情
能不能说给我听
雨下得好安静
是不是你偷偷在哭泣
幸福真的不容易
在你的背景有我爱你
我可以陪你去看星星
不用再多说明
我就要和你在一起
我不想又再一次和你分离
我多么想每一次的美丽
是因为你

offering(:

2008-11-21T00:34:00.000+08:00

The sun cannot compare
The glory of Your love
There is no shadow in Your presence
No mortal man would dare
To stand before Your throne
Before the Holy One of heaven
It's only by your blood
And its only by your mercy
Lord, I come

(Chorus)
I bring an offering
Of worship to my King
No one on earth deserves
The praises that I sing
Jesus may you receive
The honor that You're due
O Lord, I bring an offering to you
I bring an offering to you

i feel betrayed by you.

2008-11-16T23:10:00.001+08:00

:'( my heart is aching.
really aching.

cuz i really trust you.

i am so pissed with you.

2008-11-13T23:40:00.001+08:00

i know that when A and B started to complain abt C and D infront of me.
i really feel so uncomfortable and kept real quiet cuz i dunwan to be involved.

but I didnt expressed that I dunwan to be involved in your entire conversation.
neither did i expressed that you all shld not be gossiping behind others back.
and thru this all,

i grew to get really pissed with you two.
cuz i feel that you didnt placed yourself into the shoes of the other two.
rah.

but thats all that sound so nice.
arnt i like u two now? being pissed with ms. A and B
not forgiving your act to C and D.
whats with me afterall.

i am pissed with myself.

Father, forgive me.
Teach me how to forgive others like how you forgive me.

and i miss you so.

2008-11-13T00:37:00.002+08:00

haha i kinda realised that i seem to always mention you in my post.

anw, you ran thru my mind today again.
haha, guess its really very tiring for you since its quite frequent. HAHA
though its been some time since you went for a 'run'

to think that i even tot i was dreaming. hahaha
whats hope?
but you said that some things just cant return back to its best state.

well im reading a book recently,
i guess its only till now.
that i realised that i have nver let it go.
till the day i learn to do so,
i will smile widely infront of you,
and i will declare, that i have let the past go.

Wishing you all the best and filled with blessings.
Father, help me to lay it all down at your feet.
Cuz the burden is too heavy for me. And its time to let go.
Teach me, help me, rescue me.

i really miss you so.

my conclusion of the day.

2008-11-01T21:34:00.004+08:00

why are blogs such sad places to visit? ha ha.

reading blogs makes ppl more emo.
and when ppl have nth much to blog abt,
they squeeze their minds to think of emo things to blog abt. ha.

anw, i need to let this out. if not i know i will be even more unhappy.
dun need to guess who im refering to, cuz none of you who visit this place will know who im referring to. you is a good word to replace things now, so dun think too much readers:)

can you stop irritating me? seriously, do you know that i am so not keen in talking to you each time you talk to me? im sorry if this sounds mean but i seriously want to say this to you, becuz i dun like grey. i hate it. stop being so gross, or whatever word to replace your actions. i really feel so uncomfortable when you are ard. so please please stop. if you can read from the way i reply you, and that i have been avoiding you, really hope you can wake up one day. sigh

and next, you. from the very first day that i know you till now, if you nv realised. let me say now that i have been very clear on my stand. so please do not try to cross the boundaries thank you. i am really very sick and tired of so many of yous and all your actions. i will burst one day, please do not try my limits.

another, you. though i always treated you well as a fren, but im am so sorry. i am not looking for the things that you are looking at. and if you dun get my hint, then i duno what i can say to you. i just hope that you wun end up like the other 2 yous that i mentioned. why cant you all think more normally. sigh.

and you, though you have not been irritating me these days, and not bothering me much nowadays. i hope that you will learn to stop telling me about the things which i am not interested to know abt. just remain as what it is and dun think too much, dun think too far. grow up okay.

finally, you. hope you can learn to be more mature in your thinking. things wun always go the way you want them to be. and when it doesnt, learn to accept it. that's life. the world wun revolve ard you, not everyone is there for you to order ard. dun act like a spoilt brat. get a life.
thanks.

RAHHH...

2008-11-01T20:38:00.000+08:00

STOP PROCRASTINATING, START MOVING!!

i need my motivation. sigh

my Lord grieves...

2008-10-08T00:10:00.000+08:00

Ever tot of...
What keeps us from trusting God fully?
Have you question His ability to intervene in our deepest troubles and darkest hours?
Could it be that we thought that His power is insufficient to meet our needs?
We know better, we would never overtly question in our minds of the power of our God.
We know our God created this world and that He holds it in His hands.
But, sometimes we really wonder how is that power of His, relevant to us?

Ever felt that a situation is somewhat difficult, and feel that all we could do is
hope that our prayer may still have a chance?
but when the situation is really bleak, we give up our faith that there is an answer that will come?

The degree of difficulty often influences our perception of God's ability to work.
BUT..
why would the level of difficulty have anything to do with whether we believe God will answer or not?
He has been clear, There is nothing too difficult for Him. and He answers all prayers!

Isaiah 50:1-2

1 This is what the LORD says:

"Where is your mother's certificate of divorce

with which I sent her away?

Or to which of my creditors

did I sell you?

2 When I came, why was there no one?

When I called, why was there no one to answer?

Was my arm too short to ransom you?

Do I lack the strength to rescue you?

Our God that we believe in,
is the God who parts the seas,
who slays the Goliaths,
who heals the blind and lame,
who cleanses the lepers,
who turns water into wine,
who calms the raging seas,
who cannot be held in a tomb,
who overcome death and resurrected!

What is it about our own situation that causes us to give up our faith and hope?
when we maintained hope when problems are solvable and given up hope when they are not,
then we have forgotten the God of the impossible.

No situation scares Him out,
Nor is He desperately trying to figure out our problems.
He always takes great pleasure in bursting into an impossible situation with an answer that none thought of.
He is always ready, and mighty to save.

His greatest reluctance is the lack of faith that we engage Him with.
the genuine, persistent and bold faith.
and it grieves Him......

are you EMO-ing?

2008-10-06T01:48:00.004+08:00

i guess it has become a trend that everyone is feeling themselves up with their feelings..

nothing else seems to be more trustworthy than following what your heart feels...

is it really that case?

we are like balloons that are so filled
and we feel like we are going to burst anytime, any moment.

but what do we really achieve after being EMO huh?
hoping someone will ever noticed you and cares for you, and pick u up?
i doubt it happens in most of our lives..
i guess what we always get out of it is.......
NOTHINGNESS. haha, new word learnt ytd.
i felt that it was stupid to live a life that works so hard to achieve nothingness.

i guess like what louis says, we must KEEP MOVING FORWARD! haha
if you wonder who louis is....... there!

Louis is one smart kid! :) haha
If you get a chance, watch Meet the Robinsons yea:)
im sure Louis inspires you to not be EMO and move forward with life :D

vanessa is sooo cute! :D

2008-10-03T02:23:00.002+08:00

oh my oh my!
i happened to chance upon a blog!
so cuteeeeeeee:DD
fiona has such a cute little sis!
loves!! hahaha

02102008, till we meet again

2008-10-03T00:14:00.008+08:00

ytd, was grad day for my darling sec 4s so i decided to go back to see them for the last time! haha
here's some photos of them. hahah!

though i doubt anyone of u will see this, but anw!
all the best and jiayou for your o's! :D
thanks for being a big chip in my life! :) haha you know what i mean (;
and dun forget me when u step out of crescent and into your new lives! haha
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i went out with another group of darlings, the frellies! haha
went to sch with shan, jaz, nana
off to hua's hse to visit her :)
study hard girl! ;)
studious sweet joyceeee actually went to hua's hse to help her with her work! awwwww:DDD
then it was dinner:)
though only jaz, shan, saf and hani turned up in the end,
im still very glad that we got the chance to catch up and enjoy our time tgt! :D
thanks for coming today cuz your presence meant alot to me! :)
sorry that due to lousy me, you didnt receive my smses. ): really sorry abt it.

the magic you left behind.

2008-10-01T04:16:00.021+08:00

random fond memories :d

looking thru the pictures in my com,

decided to upload them before my com dies on me someday soon
some fond memories of my life... this is one of the most recent ones, during F1 Singapore, the wonderful frens i made :D

my darling frellies always, you all are my passion. my dearest two lovely babes who nv fails to brighten up my day, joyce and chishan. :)
another bunch of my loves that i cant do it without them. :)
more lovely and pretty dearies to come, and they are always close to the heart, jazreel :)

and the dearest lovely frellies continues to add on. and this is CAC i think? haha anddddd, Evonne Ma'am! haven seen her since her birthday, see those heels? haha! its from us! :D Ahleenaa darling! :D haha, whom after knowing her for 7 days, i stayed over at her hse! HAHA how happening is tt. haha. probably this is the only photo i have with her. hahaha

YUMING!:D haha who nver failed to be my great listening ear :)
one of my most treasured photos ever, probably the first and the last photo ever, darling chishan and xueli :D
again, the two lovely dearies of my life. once was my phone wallpaper thanks to these two babes hah.

my champions always, Aimer La Habitude.

HAHAHA! im sure my three angels dun remember these anymore and wun believe that i actually kept them. haha
those were the days, with my VIs, my buddy and me.

my two sweet and lovely reason for me to stay on in VIP, quek and filza(: haha this was the total number of girls in my sec 3 & 4 class. and they were a great bunch of friends, absolutely :D and my loves! the reason why FMSSRCY rocks my world! :D
and we were the history maker of FMSSRCY, FDC Knights :) hahaha okay! my beloved family whom i love dearly always, with my aunt and superstar cousin lol.

and the retarded us! hahah. my dearest siblings, joyce and yuliang! :DDDDDDD
the first all-girls class i was in, TR22, TR04! :) lovely bunch of ladies to spend my 3 years of poly life withMr Kevin, a great friend whom i have not seen for ages

Thanks for being part of my memories...
i will not forget. :)

You made my day:D

2008-10-01T04:02:00.002+08:00

I was just visiting blogs today and i chanced upon this blog post that really warms my heart :D

it wrote:
Sunday, August 24, 2008

Things to do
1. I want to talk to Joanne Ma'am, laugh at her and then console her! But I haven't seen her online for ages and I'm too lazy to sms.

just reading this really touched my heart.
anw, this was taken from chishan's blog :D
thanks for remembering me despite not contacting nor seeing you for so long.
thanks for having me as no.1 on your to do list that day.
it really meant alot to me,
cuz i guess emo me has just found someone who has proved myself wrong this time :D

haha iloveyou,babe!<33

just as one simple line here made my day,
blog hopped to yuhua's blog and here it wrote:

Monday, September 29, 2008

Whoopeedoo, and FBC owes me a treat!
Okokok y'know thinking about these things makes me happy

Tuesday, September 30, 2008 - You're the habit that I can't quit

Friends, I miss y'all. FJs going to have dinner this thursday, the temptation is great, but I keep thinking PromosPanicPromosPanicPromoPanic (with lots of exclamation marks in between), so I don't know if I will/can go. Miss allllll of them ):

im really glad that yuhua is looking forward to my treat! :D haha
and though she only mention FJs, haha but i know im included in the ppl she misses too! HAHA
i just know ;) lol right yuhua? :) hee

thanks so much for wonderful friends that God places in my life
for they made my life a much better one<3

Rahhh

2008-09-30T02:34:00.004+08:00

so much of saying im fine now......
haha TSK!

just visited some blogs,
looking at some photos.
memories are all rushing back again.

you know,
i really miss so many of you.
so many of you.
esp when i dun even get to hear from you all, no longer.

i miss you all so much!! )':
too many to name..

safaxuelixineryuhuaserenadianajoycevernajazshanfarhanimoniveronruitingyejinghazelbenghui
jiawenliyueweiyoungrebeccasarahdorcasdaniellecalebyvettehaslindabernhasinashaheileen
eugenebenjamincheryljiawenpeiwenpeiminfionafawnenochfiontseminhuizhenyiwennicholas
yanghaoyeowshengraymondaaronchaneldebbieenshaoyurongjiayeehidayatjoshuapamelashanenli
alinafilzayingqiaudreyfanghuijianmingmichelleyuchingdoraxuemeishernbevrachelamyjannizajiaen

sigh im so afraid that one day, i will forgot all of you.
and you will forget me.
and we wun cross each other's path again.

Vvvroooooommmmmmmm.....

2008-09-30T02:02:00.002+08:00

Anw, some updates! :D
i was involved in the recent Singapore Formula 1 night race! :)
whoooo! haha its really a fun and great experience
getting to see the race cars, hearing the sound of the engines was great!
haha and i got to know many new frens!

a side note: i always tot its very hard for me to find much Christians around
esp when it comes to the hospitality industry and all.
but guess what!! :D
i made 3 new frens whom are all fellow brudders in Christ! hahaha :D:D
interesting interesting!
made me more hopeful and glad to know that there are a rather BIG group of us ard
and that many fellow bros and sis out there are doing their part for God! :D:D:D

hahaha and being really randommmm,
GUESS WHAT AGAIN!
its really really hard to find peeps who are basketball lovers like meeee, esp girls.
BUT! i made 5 new frens who are basketball lovers too! COOL COOL! hahahaha
alright! more basketball friends to ask along for games and chill outs tgt in the future!
wheeeee!

though my legs were 'lost' over the 3 days, hahaha (standing for 13 hour plus without sitting down daily) hahaha, but i guess it was really a rewarding experience :)

im sure if i have a chance next year to be part of F1 again, i will ;)
hee.

Give me a break.

2008-09-17T12:34:00.003+08:00

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His Glory and Grace.

O my soul

Do you not know?

Have you not heard?

It's been told frm the beginning

The Lord your God is on your side

O my soul don't be afraid

Hope in the Lord

By His righteousness and power

He will strengthen

He will guide

And I will soar

On wings like eagles

Held by the hand of God

I will run and not grow tired

When on His name I call

For the Lord is never weary

His ways are beyond my thoughts

I will trust in Him

With all my heart

And I will rest upon His promise

Patiently I'll wait...

in the end.

2008-09-15T23:51:00.005+08:00

today, a day filled with regrets. haha

anw! today, I went to crown centre early in the morning with little slp last night.
though i didnt get to watch it, hearing the music playing feels as if i was right in there.
HAHA!
Im sure YOU can do it! dun worry, full faith in you :D

and went ard to and fro, jurong, outram, cck.
thanks for being patient with me and accompanying me all ard! :)
all the best for all your tests/exams! :D
(if you will ever read these, haha)

but sigh, IN THE END..
i still didnt have the courage to face you.
i still dun have the courage to face rejection.
i am afraid that my heart cannot take it once again.

haha, after all.

i am still the coww.
C-O-W-A-R-D. lol
happy belated birthday

CAN YOU SEE IT?

2008-09-15T00:52:00.002+08:00

my long abandoned blog, lets make things really RAW & REAL right now.

I am totally not satisfied with my life.
Where is the Joy?
Where is the Hope?
Where is the Love?

Why do I always have to end up thinking abt the same old issues tat I nver have the courage to solve it! WHY?!

When all the music fades away, when all the lights are dimmed.
What is left behind, hidden from everyone else.

it just cannot be hidden anymore.

Am I really understanding You, feeling You, or I am just deceiving myself?
Why am I leading such an aimless lifestyle?

I HATE IT.

YOUTHPHORIA'S YOUTH SUNDAY!

2008-06-22T18:07:00.002+08:00

Its Youth Sunday again! :D
Come join us in Aldersgate Methodist Church this coming Sunday, 29 June 2008.

2008-04-23T17:22:00.002+08:00

Had a talk with my brother last night.
thoughts and emotions came rushing in.

He told me that even as we are preparing for revival,
Satan is working, and he is trying so hard.

and this verse came to mind.

The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep." (John 10:10-11)

I guess i nv felt that this was so true before.
He came silent, and he stole away the joy and smile by filling us with busyness and self-pity
He crept in secretly, and kill our hearts with all hurtful words and acts done to us
and without us being aware, he wants to destroy our lives.

but the shepherd of my soul is much more powerful!
im holding on to you.
With you as my guide, I surrender all and give you full control.

Shepherd of my soul, I give You full control
Wherever You may lead I will follow
I have made the choice to listen for Your voice
Wherever You may lead I will go

Be it in a quiet pasture or by a gentle stream
The Shepherd of my soul is by my side
Should I face a mighty mountain or a valley dark and deep
The Shepherd of my soul will be my guide

great exposure

2008-03-25T23:47:00.003+08:00

hi fellow readers,
something more constructive to blog and share :)
well, guess cuz of this incident, it brought me to a greater exposure and an eye-opening experience :)
really thank God for this opportunity to learn much more

well, cuz of a spark, it got me to find out alot more abt the differences btwchristianity and catholic, this forever unceasin debate. haha
which indeed, i guess im alot more ready to share my views with anyone, regardless of your religion.
firstly, hope that the readers will not be offended as its just plainly on my opinions :)

learning that i had a fren who wishes to convert, indeed i guess i myself, was not very supportive of this idea in the very beginning. but in the real fact, i really do not understand much abt the other side, its really something that im really unfamiliar abt.

however, as im someone who looks at both side of the coin before i make a stand, it spark of my curiousity in finding out similarities, differences and how it is like.
this journey was indeed wonderful, as i could get to experience really different things with an open heart and mind.
and i really thank God for this opportunity, to help me to be able to make a stand in my faith, and really to understand others. if any one is interested to find out more abt my discovery, feel free to ask me abt it! haha.
and ya! u can find out more from the web too! :) but i mus say, its really cool to embark on this journey :D

no matter what, i jus want to assure this fren of mine that, no matter what decision she had made, i will give her my full support. and if ever one day, she is interested to find out more, we will always welcome her into our community too! :)

seeyou in heaven (:

2008-03-25T23:40:00.004+08:00

-tag replies-

congkai; hello! haven seen you for quite some time! how have you been? :) im fine, having attachment now so quite lazy to update blog and go online. haha pardon me!!

yuming; haha i think thats a super long ago tag you left! thanks anw and you are welcome! study hard for your exams in end apr/early may! haha

(: hello! youuu areee? are you yejing? haha or?

ser; HAHA where got hot lorh. u hotter lehh. hahaha. anw yup my toe recovered! YAYS! haha hven seen you for so long le ): i shall see you on sat yea!! :D

-----; hahaha, you aree? sorry i dun remember.

filza; haha i missyou too! how are you doing? :) whats with 4th april? haha! XP