1:06 am
Friday, June 26, 2009
Guard my confused heart;
shall blog as requested;
recently i really feel the fluctuation in my mood.
mood swings HA. well, but things are really bringing me into the pits and yet sometimes, its just myself thinking way too much. i dont know.
i hate it, why am someone who thinks way too much? makes my life so much more difficult for myself. RAHH.
yet again, i cant even express my feelings. i find no words to express it, and even if i do, there isnt any safe grounds to express it. oh wells. im such an insecure person. so anw, i told myself that i will blog to answer your question, but on second thought, all the words just wun appear and i dun feel safe enough to do so.
this is killing me, sigh. anw so shall make it a quick and simple one, not going into any details.
time and time again, i feel upset/disappointed/hurt by things that i thought and believe it is, but eventually found out that im wrong? so thats really dumb and retarded but i cant help to feel that way. like guess im just making myself upset abt mos burger?! HA what a dumb reason to be upset with i guess. true enough, your msg makes sense but well, i still feel that my point is as valid as ever. you still fall in love with it; and it wasnt anytime when i ask you to try it. alrights its getting out of point.
so lets just move on; i guess im upset with anyone who isnt like me. haha, so its just my problem. not others. i need to stop imposing any expectations on anyone; expectations that i have of myself. i mean, im someone who somehow falls into this category whereby i do not have an incline towards being more people structured/unstructured nor task structured/unstructured. i duno how to explain this, but its thru a personality test i done, i fall right in the middle of all. so im a rather flexible person, based on my judgement? when i want to be focused on a task, i can go all out to complete it without distractions. and thats probably how i motivated myself in many circumstances to complete many tasks that seems impossible to many. and yet, when i want to be people oriented, i can forgo any or all structures. cuz i also believe very much on character and relationships. weird person i know. but cuz of this weird nature, i cant help but to be upset when i decide to be focus on certain things, while others are not as certain as i do. what do i mean? i tend to compare others with myself and get agitated, and questions like,"why can i do this for you yet you cant? why can i stay focus and away from distractions yet you arnt doing the same?" so im sorry that i "forced" it unto you, to make you promise to do it for me. cuz i hope i can create some motivation for yourself to push yourself fwd and away from the distractions.but i know i failed. so sorry, just ignore me when i do get upset or smth, cuz most of the time, its just myself being retarded. and thats also one reason why people do not understand why i can be so angry/upset for one moment, and the next i can convince myself 180 degrees differently. but im sorry, i guess thats just the weird me.
