11:27 pm
Sunday, September 17, 2006
i felt so heartbroken like i never felt before.
its jus a feeling that's too overwhelming.
and its kinda contridicting i guess.
since they might get the chance to see it
i dun wish to b too precise.
got to know from my two dear friends about the gathering.
they asked me along, but i rejected them.
not cause that im not excited to see them, but cause afterall
its not good to be uninvited right?
actually, im not very sad that i wasn't invited.
but instead, sad abt the purpose of their gathering.
and reason that i wasn't invited.
and disappointed in them
afterall, how much memories we all shared tgt.
once again;
the feeling of being rejected and outcasted grew.
i always thought its was of an insignificant amount.
till it slap me so hard in my face.
it felt so overwhelmed that
i couldn't and don't know how to react
but shed a tear in my heart.
i felt so naive.
believing that we could all live in peace and harmony.
believing that everyone would love each other as much.
i just couldn't except the fact of how selfish we man get in the secular world.
it still hurts in my heart thinking abt this.
but im sick and tired.
i dun wish to live such a life anymore.
getting myself involved in such politics.
i admit that they are not to be blame
as in if i were on their side, i guess i would felt the same way too.
i guess its only when we ourselves are being placed in the position ourselves.
we can nv understand.
really hope that they could look from my perspective.
placing themselves into my shoes.
ever felt being abandoned and so lost when u were just so unprepared to accept?
the feeling of hoping that someone would be there to guide u along
but after many empty promises u all made, it nv happen?
and aimlessly, lost my sense of directions, trying hard to find my identity?
after much struggles,
finally! i made it!
i felt accepted and with a sense of belonging.
yet with the many criticism and eyes staring at me.
as if i nv belong, as if i was the betrayer.
it hurts.
really hurts.
cause in my heart, i always love.
cause in my heart, i always belong.
i admit that i really felt so much more appreciated and loved on this side.
i really do.
i believe that everyone wants/wishes to be accepted and loved rather than rejected and outcasted.
so if u were me, i quite certain you would feel the same right?
choosing to b accepted instead of rejected.
however,
nv did i once said that i don't belong.
cause in my heart i know, i always belong.
no matter how much i was rejected.
i proud to say, i belong.
i will never give up, saying that i belong.
but i tried and tried.
it just nv felt the same again.
everything has changed so much.
at least it really got me to realise.
i shldn't live such a worldly life.
i will nv get real joy from this secular world.
but, there's always true joy that i can find in my father. (:
really glad that he's always there.
to feel my emptiness, sorrows, hurts
with his love, peace, joy! xD
praise God!
